


Turn of the Page Part II

by moonphase9



Series: Death Note: Turn of the Page [2]
Category: Death Note & Related Fandoms
Genre: 1930s, Bigotry, Character Death, Gen, Ghosts, Homophobia, Horror, Implied Incest, In-The-Cloest, M/M, Mental Illness, Murder, Past Character Death, Psychological Horror, Religion, The Turn of The Screw, alternative universe, gothic horror, murder myster
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-27
Updated: 2019-02-27
Packaged: 2019-11-06 15:08:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,278
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17942021
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moonphase9/pseuds/moonphase9
Summary: Matsuda, a poor but cheerful American boy, was sent to England to be the tutor of a pair of brothers - Matt and Mello. However, Matsuda's mind began to crack; is the house haunted by two lovers, Lawliet and Kira, who are competing for the children? Or is Matsuda slowly going insane, haunted by a dark childhood trauma and a deep secret?





	Turn of the Page Part II

**Author's Note:**

> This was originally a multi-chapter story but I decided that it would be better to upload it in this fashion on this site.  
> You need to read Part 1 in order to understand this section.  
> https://archiveofourown.org/works/17659964

X

Matsuda decided to leave the boys alone for most of afternoon; they could meet up again for dinner, and then maybe do something in the evening. He wanted to allow the brothers time to bond; it was clear in the journey home that they had a lot to catch up on, and he didn’t want to interrupt that again. He was standing in the hallway, the one where the pictures of the brothers and the two dead adults were hidden behind the curtain. Matsuda found himself in this place more and more often, staring out the window into the beautiful countryside. He was too high in status to sit with the servants (besides, there was some sort of animosity between them which must have worsened after he demanded Sayu’s departure), he no longer felt very confident in his friendship with Watari and now he no longer had Matt.

There were so many unforeseen problems. Matsuda was moderately used to difficult or over-bearing children; so Matt suffering some sort of Post-traumatic stress and delusions were not too much of a problem, and Mello being somewhat manipulative or controlling weren’t either. However, this was the first time Matsuda was completely alone in trying to deal with these issues.

Also, it was possible, _quite_ possible that if Sayu was telling the truth, that these boys were both being manipulated by supernatural forces. Matsuda hated thinking this way; his entire childhood had been full of terrors of Hell and demons, of purgatory and malicious ghosts. He had grown older and whilst his faith in God had remained intact, it had grown less fanatical, more relaxed and in keeping with the real world; with science and rationalisations and logical reasoning. The fear of possession was surely a regression into the realm of religious madness. He didn’t want to become his parents; terrified of the supernatural and becoming dictatorial monsters as a result.

However, the evidence was adding up; the boys had both acted completely out of character at specific points. Whilst he did not know Mello that well, the change in the car had been significant. Yet, had it not been for Matt’s shocking change but the night before, would Matsuda have really noticed that change?

“Think Matsuda, think!” He muttered, leaning his forehead on the cool glass. _“You were already on edge from Miss Sayu’s ghost story. Then Matt frightened you. You didn’t sleep all night. You’re scared of the wardrobe because of that...hallucination. That hallucination also happened late at night, when I was feeling frightened and angry. So maybe...maybe it’s just stress. Maybe I’m so stressed out and so tired, that I’m starting to see things that aren’t there_.” He lifted his head and looked outside, without paying much attention at the scenery itself, so lost was he in his own thoughts. _“This job is hard. I’m allowed to feel stressed. I am in a foreign land and I have no friends; none of the adults seem to like me much. In fact, when was the last time I actually slept? Properly slept?”_

To the left of Matsuda was a winding staircase, the one that led up to the Battlement were he thought he saw a man standing. Unbeknownst to the tutor, an apple slowly thudded down the stairs, ending its journey at the foot of them. As it stilled, another one began to bounce down...

 _“And Miss Misa,”_ he continued thinking, _“has put me in a difficult position, as I am not allowed to contact her at all on their welfare. Yet she could show up at any point, and will want everything in order. But nothing is in order, through no fault of my own, Mello is not at school and something is wrong with Matt...Alright, I should focus on real problems. Why was Mello expelled? He hasn’t mentioned a thing of it so far...but he wouldn’t. I mean, he wanted to focus on his brother as soon as he arrived, which is perfectly normal, they are the only real family they have left. Miss Misa is never around and so they cannot be close. And he must be frightened of getting in trouble, though he must realise that I know. Maybe he is waiting for me to broach the subject?”_

At this point, four apples bounced down the stairs. But Matsuda still was lost in his ruminations. _“Hmm, maybe I should give him a chance, relax a little and let him come to me in his own time. He’s only a boy and he has had a hard time. Both he and Matt must have loved their old tutor, and if Miss Sayu is correct, then Mello was close to Mr Yagami, who also died.”_ Slowly, Matsuda’s heart sank, _“it must have been so hard for them! Almost everyone they love has died; their parents, and then Lawliet and Mr. Yagami. I wonder if they feel like all this death is somehow their fault; often children feel guilty about things that aren’t their fault. Yeah, I should definitely relax and let Mello come to me in his own time.”_

Something small bumped into his foot, halting his musing. Looking down, Matsuda picked up a ripe, red apple. _“Why is this...?”_ But before the question completed itself in his mind, he looked over to the foot of the winding stairs. A large pile of bright red apples sat there.

Matsuda stared stupidly, _“how did apples get in_?” He thought. “ _This is the top of the building.”_ Looking outside he saw the grounds below. How did-how did the apples get up this high?? None of it made any sense.

A moment later a soft rumbling sounded out. Cautiously, Matsuda stepped closer to the winding stairs; the sound was coming from the battlements... The floor shuddered a little from whatever force was causing the rumbling. “Am I _dreaming?”_ thought Matsuda. _“But this all seems very real.”_

Before he reached the staircase, a plethora of bright red apples suddenly cascaded down the stairs, bursting onto the hallway and slamming into Matsuda. “What-??” He yelled aloud, his arms covering his face protectively. “What is happening?? Ahh!” He bent his knees slightly and turned away, his body automatically trying to shield his face and chest.

As the noise finally ended and the apples stopped hitting into him, Matsuda slowly lowered his arms and looked about the area. The hallway was covered in red apples.

Matsuda felt strangely detached from the whole thing- maybe it was that he was in shock. It was just all too strange. What was he supposed to think at this time? What was the normal response to this? Should he call for help? With all the noise, shouldn’t someone have shown themselves already, looking to find out what the ruckus was? Was this all happening in his own head? Looking at the apple he was still holding, Matsuda analysed it for a moment before taking a bite. Like most red apples it was sweet, the crisp, thin exterior withholding sweet juice and crunchy pulp inside. He swallowed. Well the apple was definitely real...

Suddenly he gasped, dropped the apple, and clutched his head whilst falling to his knees. Images flashed in his mind at a rapid, dizzying speed that he could scarcely comprehend them; a young boy, with red eyes, eating an apple, an apple that had come out of the mouth of a snake. _Oh God, no!_ Matsuda thought he screamed. He wasn’t sure, he felt as if he were submerged in water, sound and sight were impaired and he couldn’t smell anything. His screams seemed to come from his mouth but didn’t go anywhere. He felt like he was not quite in control of his body, like he was floating slightly.

Oh God, the boy, the boy with the snake and apple! It was Sin, the sort of sin his father raved about in church; the sort of sin that Matsuda was so terrified of committing as a child that he would kneel for hours a night, at the cost of precious sleep, praying ardently that he would not fall into temptation...all those hours locked in the closet...tired but unable to sleep...

 Matsuda seemed to turn around, motion going either too slowly or too quickly. Ah there he was, the boy with long black hair. Only it wasn’t a boy, it was the old Tutor, Lawliet. Matsuda shouted out something to him, but he didn’t know what; he couldn’t hear himself. The dark eyes of the man looked up at him; his merciless, dark eyes full of knowledge. Matsuda became afraid of him. The chill of winter came upon him. He turned around to run away, only to be met with intense heat. The other boy, the sinner, stood before him. He smiled beautifully and held out the apple, its rouge colouring reflected in the boy’s eyes. Matsuda shook his head; no he would have no part in this. The boy scowled, his beauty suddenly evaporating. Before Matsuda could scream, the red-eyed boy hit him, and Matsuda fell to the floor.

Slowly, he opened his eyes. He was sweating and shaking all over. Sitting up, Matsuda looked around. The sun was beginning to set a little, covering the hallway in a vermillion glow. He must have been out for a few hours. Had no one wondered where he was? He looked at the winding staircase and the floor. There were no apples, except, to his side he looked down and saw a single red apple, a large bite mark still engraved into its side.  For some reason, the apple made him feel guilty; he had to fight the urge not to hide it away somewhere.

“What happened?” He queried aloud, feeling exhausted. It was like he had experienced some sort of delusion. Only this one was more unreal than the other ones...

 _“But are they delusions?”_ He thought. “ _I’ve never had suffered with them before now.”_ He looked at the apple guiltily. _“Besides, where did I get this apple? I didn’t have it originally, I am certain. All the others disappeared but this one didn’t. Something is trying to tell me that this place is haunted. Those two in my dream, I dreamt about them before I arrived. I remember now, back on my journey here, in the automobile, I fell asleep and dreamt about a beautiful red-eyed boy and a mournful, dark haired child. I must remember exactly what happened in that dream! They were definitely Lawliet and Mr. Yagami, I’m certain of it! Only they were children, not adults. There were apples involved ten as well, and Mr. Yagami, he was angry, because I was going towards Lawliet. He was jealous; I think...Why was I going to Lawliet? Why??”_

Just then a terrified scream ripped through the building, destroying Matsuda’s thought process. He leapt to his feet, the cold sweat on his skin chilling him. Matsuda, turning his back to the twisted staircase, began to run down the right-hand side of the corridor, he knew that scream, he knew that scream!!

 It was Matt!

 XI

Matsuda burst into Matt room. The boy was standing; his face was blotchy from the shock and screaming. He seemed to be staring at the wall. “What, Matt, what is it?” Matsuda grabbed the boy and turned him to himself. “What is wrong?”

“I saw- I saw-“

“What?”

“I-I just saw a spider. I’m sorry, I saw a spider.”

Matsuda paused slightly before replying, “No, you didn’t Matt. You told me that once before, and I believed you then. But you lie sometimes, don’t you?”

 Matt looked at him, tears in his eyes.

“It isn’t good to lie Matt,” Matsuda pushed, despite hating the distressed look on Matt’s face, but it needed to be done, for Matt’s own good. “It isn’t good to lie, especially if it means you are scared and alone. If something is frightening you, you must tell me, even if you are embarrassed or think it’s stupid.” Kneeling down, he lifted Matt’s head so that they were looking directly into each other’s eyes. “I promise, whatever you tell me, I will not hate you. I will just try to help, alright?”

Matt nodded dumbly before looking at Matsuda’s hand. He was holding the apple. They both stared at it for a moment. Matsuda didn’t remember taking it with him...

The moment of silence was interrupted when Mello ran into the room. Pushing Matsuda aside (but not roughly) he hugged his brother. “What’s wrong Matt?”

“I saw a spider,” responded Matt before looking at Matsuda anxiously. Matsuda kept his face as straight as possible, but he was sure that Matt saw the hint of disappointment in his eyes.

Mello did not pick up on the atmosphere, or at least he ignored. He stood and laughed, calling Matt silly.

He turned to face Matsuda. “When will we be learning lessons sir?” He smiled, his beautiful blue eyes shined like sapphire. Matsuda gulped, trying not to be overwhelmed by the sheer beauty of the boy. He did not notice Matt looking a little dark and even a little jealous.

“We will be doing the odd light lesson here and there over the Summer,” he responded as amiable as possible. “But on the whole, you guys have free reign until September.”

“When I go back to school?”

Matsuda looked at Mello in slight confusion; did the boy not know he was expelled? He had to know!

“Erm, yes,” he responded awkwardly, making Mello’s smile widen cheerfully.

Matusda felt his stomach turn warm. There was something about Mello, something that made him happy without knowing or understanding why. With Matt, even though the boy seemed happy, there was always a slightly dark layer underneath. Matt’s apparent happiness could be construed as him being a simple and easy to please creature, or to someone who knew him quite well such as Matsuda, it seemed superficial.

The rest of the day went well. They had gone outside and played cricket. Then Matsuda had sat by the lake and watched the boys begin to fix together an old boat that had fallen into disrepair. If they got it working, Matsuda had said they could go on it on the lake. Hey had worked well together; Mello, unlike normal big brother, never got frustrated with Matt. Matt in turn obeyed his big brother without question.

Matsuda felt uncomfortable. The sun seemed too bright, lighting up the world so much that the whole thing seemed like a mirage. He sat under the shade of a tree, hoping to find solace in the slight dark. He shivered. Looking down at his lesson plans for the up-coming weeks, he realised he hadn’t written much. He couldn’t concentrate. It all seemed too odd. Why was Mello such an angel? Watari seemed to adore him, but the boy had been expelled from school. He had also spent his time with the late Light Yagami, a man who sounded like a demon in human form. Wickedness was the only explanation for Mello’s expulsion. After all, it was clear he was not stupid or incapable in anyway. The only reason for such a dishonourable expulsion could be wickedness.

 _“Something is wrong here,”_ he thought _. “Why do I feel as if I am being lied to? It’s like being back in university, where all the pleasant and handsome boys had mocked and derided me. I feel like that again, as if, somehow, behind the smiles, they’re all laughing at me.”_

The heat bore down, the laughter of the boys fading as his consciousness shut down. Slowly, Matsuda fell into sleep.

 

 

In his dream, he was once more a little boy. His dark hair was too long, the black bangs affecting his vision. Brushing them away he saw the face of his father bearing down from the pulpit. They were in church. Their father’s church. It was a simple place, much like their home. The Lord, they were told, did not appreciate pompous shows of wealth, too much bright colour or loud sounds. Sometimes, when Matsuda was being wicked (though he honestly could not help it) he wondered if his father was telling the truth about god. After all, god made all the colours, all the sounds of nature, in fact the whole world was like a big showing off. It was bright and beautiful and grand. Matsuda wondered if god liked all those things, but his father did not and being a man of god, put his own views as god’s views. But then, Matsuda would remember that he was wicked, and questioning the law of god was blasphemy. Matsuda would then pray hoping to appease YHWH who, in his mind, whenever he imagined god angry, it looked like his father.

From the pulpit, Father was giving one of his favourite sermons. It was about corruption. Father did not scream and shout like some other pastors. Instead his voice was low and deep, reverberating around the small, modest church. It was like a growl rather than a roar.

“Corruption,” he intoned, “comes from the adult. It spreads to the child and infects him also. Then he infects his friends and other family members. The disease of Wickedness. Of Jealousy. Of Disobedience.” He looked directly at Matsuda for a moment, and the child felt as if he could wet himself then and there. But he did not. He would not dare shame his father.

“The disease,” continued Father, “the sickness continues to spread and infect the brain and the soul until it is all black and vile. And then they spread it onto their children. And so the cycle continues.  This is why we stay away from such peoples, as the Israelites stayed clear from the pagan nations around them. Remember, ‘bad associations spoil useful habits.’ However, there is a way we can save such ones. If we pluck them,” Father made the motion of plucking something small, like a flower bud from a branch. “If we pluck them from a young age we can cleanse them with the Holy blood of the Lamb. We can still save them.” Again he looked at Matsuda, only this time he focused on him. Father’s watery pale blue eyes were nothing to Matsuda’s dark Asiatic ones. “Well, some of them.”

Matsuda opened his eyes with a gasp. He was cold all over despite. The sun was now gone, and angry dark clouds rumbled over head. Scrambling to his feet, Matsuda looked over to where the boys had been. Only now they weren’t there. Desperately he began to call for them. The boat was gone. Matsuda felt his stomach drop. Could they really have disobeyed him? Of course, Mello was wicked! He was sure of it, despite the smiles and seeming benevolence he was sure Mello was wicked. Why else would he have been excluded?

He began to run down the river bank calling for the boys all the while. The water on the lake was getting choppier as the winds picked up. Matsuda remembered the story he had told Matt about the Greek god of wind who was so jealous of a young pretty prince and his new lover that he had killed him. Matsuda did not know why, but the story kept repeating itself in his mind, as he screamed their names over and over again.

He heard a whispering a chuckling behind him. Spinning around he saw nothing. It was the odd but familiar feeling he had gotten when the apples fell down the stairway and when he had first arrived, just before he had met Matt. What the two situations had in common the location, the hallway in between the stairs to the battlement and the boy’s bedrooms. But now this feeling was outside. The chuckling continued and Matsuda was sure he felt things brush by him. They were big, whatever they were.

“Stop it, stop it, stop it,” Matsuda found himself muttering. He momentarily wondered if he had just gone completely insane. However, a loud clap of thunder awoke him from his fear. He remembered the boys. The sinister chuckling was gone, but he could hear the real laughter of young boys.

He ran in the general direction of their laughter, every now and then getting confused as the winds threw sound off balance. Finally he saw them in the distance. They were very close to the water, and the reeds were very long. Only from their chests onwards could they be spotted; had the knelt down or fallen, Matsuda would never have spotted them. They were spinning around together, revelling in the chaos of an up-coming storm. Matsuda called for them, but the wind snatched his words away.

Sighing in frustration, he stepped into the bog and reeds. Above the sound of the wind he could hear the feel the squelching mud. He shivered once more as cold, slimy mud crept up his shoes and into his trousers. He decided to focus on the boys. When he looked up he saw them embrace. And then they kissed.

 XII

Matsuda gaped for a moment. They were kissing. Kissing. On the lips.

It wasn’t exactly like adult kiss, but it was too long to be an ordinary, sibling kiss. Of that he was certain.

The rain washed over them and the wind ruffled their hair. Mello raised a hand and cupped his younger brother’s face. For a split moment Matsuda wasn’t sure who he was seeing. As a flash of lightening bolted across the sky and lit up the world for one second in its ghostly white light, Matsuda thought he saw the two boys from his dream kissing instead of Matt and Mello.

But as quickly as the vision had appeared, it disappeared and the two brothers still stood before him, locked in an embrace.

The thunder rumbled, sounding heavy and loud like the growl of an angry god.

Matsuda blinked the rain out of his eyes, suddenly coming to his senses.

“BOYS!!” He bellowed across the wild terrain, his voice deeper and rougher than he had known it to be before. It sounded like his father’s.

The brothers turned and faced him, looking guilty and frightened at once.

“Come inside! Now!!” The dark-haired tutor allowed anger to colour his tone. He turned and began to walk back to the house. He did not turn to see if they had followed him. He couldn’t look at them. He was too conflicted and confused. He did not know how he felt. Shocked? Frightened? Confused? Disgusted? His insides felt like they were squirming and writhing. He winced and wrapped his arms around his torso. He was beginning to shiver. His bones ached and he ground his teeth anxiously. The rain was so heavy that he was beginning to develop a headache. His long hair was plastered to his head and affecting his eyesight.

 What was happening? Why had they done that? Was it his fault? What if they did it again? What if someone else saw? What would Miss Misa say? He imagined her beautiful cerulean eyes cold with anger and contempt. “Did you ruin my nephews?” Her ghostly visage whispered to him in a cold voice. He shivered. No, he couldn’t allow anyone to know the boys were wrong. Who had taught them such ways...had...had he somehow? Had he...infected them...?

No, no, that made no sense. How could he have infected them? And with what? He wasn’t… It didn’t make sense.

The red tops of Applegate appeared on the horizon.

He felt his face burning. His throat felt swollen and sore. He felt feverish. Was he ill? Had he perhaps, imagined the whole thing?

Matsuda turned to face the boys. They were both there, clear as day. They had been looking at the ground, but now they stopped and looked at him. They sky was a dark grey, the land a dirty green. The atmosphere was aggressive and cruel. In silence they stared at each other momentarily. Then Mello leaned towards his brother and began to whisper something, all whilst keeping his eyes on the tutor.

Matsuda felt like he should stop them from talking, but then noticed something. Beyond the boys, who were still glancing worriedly at Matsuda before muttering to each other, a figure was striding towards them. Matsuda squinted and saw, yes, it was him! It was a Light! Light Yagami!!

He stared for a moment, the figure was coming closer. Matsuda could see the details of his face. The rich auburn hair, handsome contours of his face, his slightly golden skin tone. And then his eyes...Light Yagami’s burning red eyes...

Matsuda managed to pull his eyes away from the figure long enough to observe the boys. Mello was facing him, his face seemingly blank compared to the few moments before Light had appeared, but Matsuda caught the tail-end of Matt looking behind at Light. Matsuda believed that both of the boys had turned and looked behind them as he had spotted Light. Though it was the tail-end of the glance, he was certain that Matt had been looking exactly in the direction of the ghost.

Mello had a strange facial expression, as if he couldn’t decide on how he felt. It was a half smirk, but his blue eyes were frightened. Matt on the other hand looked terrified, bright green eyes turned from Light Yagami to Matsuda.

“ _They can see him,”_ Matsuda realised. His suspicions were correct, the children were aware of the spirits. Both boys were! Did that mean the spirit of this corrupt damnable man was able to affect them? Did that explain the lapses of peculiar behaviour?

He suddenly felt that burning need to protect the boys at all costs. “Leave them alone!” He cried towards Light, who continued his stride towards them. “Quick boys, run to the house!”

The brothers both looked frightened. They ran against the howling wind and rain towards the house, quickly passing Matsuda, who stayed to watch the ghost a little longer. It moved strangely, as if it were walking under water.

“What do you want?” Matsuda called to it. He remembered what Sayu had said. “The boys? Are you after the boys? You will never get them!!” With that, Matsuda decided the thing was too close now, and he began to run to catch up with the brothers.

As they ran, they ripped up the long grass and ploughed through flower beds. The entire time the boys were slightly ahead of Matsuda, and he preferred that. This way, he could see them. There was no chance of Light sneakily stealing one of them.

 _“My god,”_ Matsuda thought as he ran, the wind flinging heavy rain into his face, “ _have I gone completely insane? Is that what has happened? Have I gone mad? The boys, kissing...kissing like that despite being children and brothers...the images of other boys...”_ he remembered the flash of light and how he had seen two brunets, though that made no sense, “ _and now a dead man is chasing us...a dead man who I never met...”_ Matsuda almost began to laugh, a choking terrified giggle emitted from between his lips _. “Yes, I must be mad...I can’t see how this can true...Oh god....Oh god...”_

Behind, the shadow of Light Yagami loomed ever closer. Matsuda did not even have to turn around. He could sense it.  It was a thing in the form of a man, but it moved like a shadow. Matsuda felt his eyes widening and bile rising in his throat.

“HURRY!!” He screamed at the boys, who fought to run against the powerful, howling wind. They were both far ahead of Matsuda now. “RUN BOYS!! RUN TO THE HOUSE!!”

The red house came into view, the front door was flung open and Watari ran out, the wind instantly ruffling his hair. He hugged the boys quickly and looked at Matsuda with an alarmed expression. “Why are you chasing them??” He cried, before huddling the boys inside.

“N-no,” Matsuda stammered in response, “I wasn’t- we were being chased!”

“What?” Watari looked beyond the tutor, “there’s no one there.”

“It was Light Yagami!! He has returned! He wants the children!!” Matsuda pointed behind him. “See?? SEE??” But Watari did not see, and neither did Matsuda because Light had completely disappeared. Matsuda scanned the landscape for a few moments before turning back to Watari. “Well of course he is gone now! We are too close to the house and you are here, so he has gone!”

“Who had gone?”

“Light!!” screamed Matsuda, his hysteria was merging with anger and frustration. Why was Watari not listening to him?

“You look unwell,” Watari continued, paying no heed to the fact that a dead man had just chased Matsuda and his two wards across the grounds. “Come inside. You need a warm bed and some sensible broth.”

Matsuda looked up at Watari through jet-black bangs. “Don’t patronise me,” he muttered in a cold, foreign voice. Watari’s eyes widened for a moment and he took a step back.

In that moment, Matsuda felt a dark chill course through his body at lightning speed. An image of a man pressed itself into his consciousness, and for a moment Matsuda knew everything about him.

_The man was dark eyed and dark haired._

_A foreigner._

_He did not speak like the English nor did he act like them._

_Despite their courtesy he did not fit in with them._

_He was called Lawliet._

_He loved the children and wanted to protect them._

_And he also held a terrible secret. It wasn’t just the children he loved, but there was another type of love he felt for another. Something that was looked down upon by society. Something perverse. Something that ultimately got him killed._

Suddenly, Matsuda felt himself being pushed away. The image of the pale, dark-haired man flew away from him and once more he was outside, inhabiting his body in a normal way. He was cold and wet and looking at Watari.

“Sir...Matsuda!” The elderly man was crying. “Are you...quite yourself?”

Instead of answering Matsuda looked up at the building. The window of his bedroom stared out of the red brick walls. A shadow suddenly passed it. “Who’s in my room?” He gasped. Watari looked confused, but before he could hazard an answer, Matsuda pushed past and ran into the building.

“No, no more chasing the boys! You have frightened them enough!” Matsuda heard Watari scream. He ignored the old man and ploughed up the stairs.

 XIII

The interior of the house was much darker than usual. The sudden change in weather outside had bought out all the shadows, making the house look like a strange place Matsuda did not recognise.  Matsuda ran up the stairs, someone was in his room, someone, and he bet he knew who it was! The other one, the other ghost!!

Anger pounded through his head. Why...why was he so angry? He couldn’t think. His mind was too much of a blur. He felt strange as if his body was in two places at once...only it was the same place. Unable to think, unable to analyse Matsuda came closer to the top of the stairs. All he could see in his rage-filled mind was the pale man with dark hair. Lawliet...the boy’s teacher.

Arriving at the top of the stairs Matsuda suddenly tripped over the forgotten apples and fell backwards. He yelled out and time seemed to go in slow motion. He was right on the top of the stairs, the fall would kill him. He flailed wildly, his impending death striking a bolt of fear through his heart. The world drained of colour, all became monochrome and lines became blurred. Out of this, he saw the image of Lawliet. The spirit was glowering at him. It was angry and hurt and blaming him. But why?

Just then, without thinking, Matsuda’s hand gripped the banister. He stumbled with no grace but did not drop down several flights as he feared he would. He panted so heavily it hurt his chest. When had he moved his hand? His body lurched itself forward, without his say so. He clawed up the last few steps like an animal, before righting himself at the top and looking around. There was no Lawliet. Everything was normal.

Matsuda felt a sudden lightness. He blinked a few times, and everything became clear and concise again. The feeling of absolute rage was gone. He stood dazed and stunned until he heard a polite cough behind him. He turned to see Watari looking up at him with wide eyes.

“Are-are you quite yourself Sir?” The old man asked with a humility Matsuda’s had never known.

“Of course,” Matsuda replied, his throat sore from when he had cried out. His arm and shoulder hurt from where it had supported his falling body. “Who else would I be but myself?” He turned back ground and looked at the floor. The apples were still there. “Does no one clean up here?” He asked.

“I will send someone up sir,” Matsuda gave Watari a cursory glance. The man was staring at the apples as if they were rats. Matsuda picked one up and toyed with it. He did not see Watari’s alarmed facial expression. Matsuda tossed it up and caught it over and over again all whilst looking down the hall where the boys’ bedrooms were. “Mr. Watari, how close are the boys?”

“Oh, very close Sir,” Watari sounded relieved. “They are very loving brothers. They only have each other.”

“Is that normal?”

“Pardon? Sir?”

“Is it normal or brothers to be very close? Very, very close?” Matsuda looked back at Watari before taking a bite from the apple and walking away.

 

 

Everyone stayed inside for the rest of the afternoon as the weather did not improve. Matsuda had both boys bathed and fed by a couple of the maids, and then sent to bed early. He said the reason why was because he was angry that they had run off in the rain and not woken him. But that wasn’t the real reason. The real reason was because Matsuda could not handle even looking at them for the moment.

He lay in bed that night, thinking over it all. _“That Mr Light Yagami was a cad, a ...a sexual deviant,”_ he mused uncomfortably, _“My father always taught us of those. And now Light Yagami spread his wicked ways unto the boys. What kind of people will they grow into at this rate? And...and will they ever get to heaven, when they are already sinning so shamefully?”_

He sat up in bed, turned on his side light (a small, old fashioned gas lamp) ad took out an old Bible from under his pillow. It was a Bible he had had since his youth, the sides were tattered and the pages yellowed. Most Christians, when looking at a bible feel comforted and hopeful, but Matsuda didn’t. Opening the Bible he saw all the lines his father had highlighted for him. The destruction of lands and peoples, the mass genocides done in the name of God because the people were sinners, the deaths of insolent children, babies being dashed against rocks because of their morally deficient parents. Verses about lambs, love and calm streams and rivers had been marked out. His father had never believed Matsuda needed those lines. So instead Matsuda just read the horror and misery the Bible held. And he thought of the boys.

Who was their role model?

Watari was kind but weak and inefficient.

Misa was absent.

Lawliet and Light were gone, and before they had left they had taught badness to the boys.

“It’s down to me,” Matsuda whispered. He looked at the wardrobe where he had seen the ghost of Lawliet, “what did you do to them? What did they see under your care?” The wardrobe remained silent. Nothing was in there that night. Seemed Lawliet’s spirit had nothing to say.

The rain, soft and consistent and miserable continued to pour down his windows as Matsuda prayed fervently for strength. The strength to save two young souls.

XIV

Matsuda’s relationships with the adults became very strange after that day. The servants became very stiff and awkward around him, and seemed to avoid him as much as possible. They no longer giggled behind his back. Had he frightened Watari so much during his brief, uncharacteristic anger, that the man had warned all the staff? In all honesty, Matsuda was still uncertain about what exactly had happened to him that day. It had felt strange and dreamlike. It felt like he had not been himself. But when he tried to think of it the ideas that came to his head were so frightful that it made him ill. So he didn’t.

His failing relationships with the adults around him would have worried Matsuda a lot more had it not been that his relationship with the boys had gone from strength to strength. Both had been on their best behaviour. They listened to him, even during the awkward talk when he explained why they shouldn’t have kissed the way they had.

“It’s a kind of kiss you only have for a lover,” he had explained as they sat in an old bedroom which had been converted into a sort of classroom. Both boys sat behind desks.  Matsuda stood facing them. “For someone who you are attracted to. And this only happens when you are an adult.”

He had decided in the early hours of that morning (after being unable to sleep due to nightmares) to have a frank discussion with the boys about what they had done out in the rain. The fact that they had run off, scaring the life out of him, was all but forgotten. All Matsuda knew was that their souls were corrupted and that they needed saving. He also knew, in the back of his mind, that this was perhaps his own chance of redemption, to make up for all his failures, for letting down his father.

“But we do love each other.” Responded Matt with an eagerness Matsuda couldn’t help but find charming.

“Yes, but the love you have is different. It is fraternal. Brotherly. Not...well...not of a carnal desire...um, if you will.”

“What does carnal mean?”

“Ah well, yes. Ahem. Well. Sexual boys. Sexual. When a man and woman love each other, they kiss and marry and then...then they have sexual relations. That brings forth children. Kissing is part of the act. It’s only for them. Not for little brothers.”

“We saw two people who were very in love kiss like that,” said Matt after a moments silence. He sounded distant and a little dreamy. Matsuda suppressed a small smile, the boy was already a romantic, if he remembered someone else’s love with such reverence. “It looked nice. We just wanted to try. And it felt nice, so we always do it. Because we love each other.” He looked over at Mello and grinned. “We want to stay together forever. Even when we die.” He finished on a whisper, but Matsuda heard it clearly. He felt his neck and face blushing. The boys gazed at one another.

“You will always be together. As brothers you are bound to one another. But one day you will meet people, women, who you love as a wife. It’s powerful, but it won’t replace the love you have for one another. There’s lots of different types of love. The one that is sexual and one that is fraternal are both powerful, both enduring, but both are different to one another. Neither cancels the other out. But you are not meant to mix them either.”

“Why?”

“Why? Because...well, because it’s obscene. It just isn’t done. There’s no need.”

“But who does it hurt?”

“Well, it’s bad for society. But look, you don’t need to worry. When you are older you’ll fall in love, then you’ll understand.”

“Have you ever been in love?”

Matsuda laughed, his blush staying on his face. He thought of Misa, almost out of habit, but oddly enough, he didn’t feel anything for her anymore. He wondered why was it her lack of interest in her own nephews that had appalled him? Instead his mind flashed to a more distant memory; one of the rain and a dark haired boy and a blond boy. He pushed that thought away. No, some things remained locked away. Some things needed to stay locked away...

“Well, I think I was once, but now I’m not so sure.”

Mello leaned on one arm, “was it a man or a woman?”

Matsuda nearly fell over. He stared at Mello, feeling the colour drain from his face. Matt looked alarmed and stood slightly, as if to run over to Matsuda at any moment. Mello simply raised his eyebrow.

“It was a woman of course.” He paused, horrified, “Men don’t fall in love with men.”

The boys looked at each other. “Are you sure?” Asked Matt. “What about the story you told me?”

“Wha-what story?”

“About the sun god and the beautiful boy who became a flower. Hyacinthus. That was his name. You were telling me about how Hyacinths got their name, and it was after him. I liked that story.” Matt finished on a grin.

Matsuda instantly regretted him ever telling the little boy that story – what had he been thinking?  

“Well,” could he salvage the situation? “Well, they, Hyacinthus, Zephyrus and Apollo were more like best friends. Very close best friends.”

The boys looked unconvinced.  Matsuda couldn’t blame them. He had underestimated their intelligence. He had assumed Matt would not figure out the homosexual subtext to the Greek myth, and that the boys would accept his condemnations of their kissing without argument. They were too clever, and he was too stupid. A wave of low self esteem and self deprecation flooded over him.

“We knew two men who loved each other.” Said Mello. Matsuda froze.

“Well sort of,” replied Matt looking at his brother. “I’m not so sure...”

“They did!” Roared Mello, shocking everyone with his sudden ferocity. “They did love each other, equally!! Lawliet was just being a tease!!”

Matt shrugged and lowered himself further into his seat. Matsuda was slightly stunned by the turn of the conversation. How had they gotten to this? How would he handle it? He wasn’t good at this sort of thing!

“Who-who said your tutor was a tease? Who taught you such a word?” He stammered out, already knowing the answer.

Mello straightened himself up, “it was Mr Yagami, Sir. He told me. Lawliet did love him. They kissed. They were in love.”

“Ok boys, I’m going to be straight with you here.” Matsuda stood, determined to regain control of the conversation. The boys were smart, so he wouldn’t go softly. He would be frank. They had to know that homosexual acts just wasn’t ok! “What Mr Yagami and Mr Lawliet did is against the law. It is against the law for two men or two women to be in a relationship together. It is illegal. You must never let anyone see you both kissing, you must never kiss like that ever again. In fact, don’t kiss each other at all! I’m sorry but there it is. Mr Lawliet and Mr Yagami knew this. They should have never done anything in front of you.”

The boys gaped as he watched them. Dear god, what else had Yagami done in front of them? What had he done to them? Mello in particular worried Matsuda. For the boys to be so sexualised so young... It didn’t bear thinking about.

“We will go to church this afternoon,” said Matsuda. “And for now we will study the Bible. I think it’s best we leave the Grecian myths for now.”

Looking glum, both boys took their King James’ Bibles from their desks.

“Let’s start,” sighed Matsuda, “with the Book of Leviticus.”

 XV

 

The church sermon was not as forceful as Matsuda had hoped. When he had gotten older and escaped his father, he had preferred the more gentle ministers and Christian denominations he had discovered outside of his family. But now that he had two boys in his charge, he suddenly realised a greater appreciation for his father’s frightening ranting.

Even the church seemed too friendly. It had protestant simplicity but was still beautiful. The sun shone through the plain glass windows, lighting up the woodwork and bathing the arena in gold. His own church, back when he was a child, followed no particular denomination. Father had decided that they had all been too corrupt and did not follow the TRUE word of the Bible. Including the family, there were around thirty followers of his father’s church. It took a while to get these apostles as the locals hadn’t trusted Matsuda’s father because he had been with a foreign woman and had a mixed breed offspring; but in time people learnt to look past Matsuda’s Asiatic features and odd name and would instead focus on his father’s powerful words of damnation and hell. They had worshipped in a converted barn at the back of the Touta land. It was always dark and damp. There were no windows and the sermons were always done at night. Father taught that having a sermon in the day was showing off, like the Pharisees and Scribes who had prayed on street corners. Now sitting in the sunlit church surrounded by colourful church goers made Matsuda feel slightly blasphemous.

The differences were astounding and it all served to teach Matsuda that he would have to correct the boys himself.

“ _But it’s not just correcting their wrong thought’s_ _and desires_ ,” he mused in the church pews while the Minister went on about Lambs and Jesus and other fluffy nonsense that his father had seen fit to cross out from the family bible. “ _They need protecting from the spirits. Light Yagami is not done with them yet.”_ He stole a glance at Matt _. “Matt has screamed twice whilst being alone in his room, and has twice said it was a spider. But he is lying, I’m sure of it_.” Matsuda frowned, “ _then there was the time in the hallway, when it all went cold and Matt began to act strangely._ ” He gulped and goosebumps began to appear on his arms regardless of the warmth. “ _Is it possible that he was...possessed? That seems to be the case. It’s the most obvious reason for his temporary change. He was possessed or...or mad._ ” Matsuda’s hands tightened around his bible. It was time to reaffirm his old faith.

The sermon finished and everyone went outside. The flowers were in full bloom and blossoms tumbled from the trees. There was no wind and the mid morning sun beat down merrily. The worshippers loitered about with Sunday morning ease, talking happily and exchanging gossip. Matt and Mello played with the other children, chasing each other around the lane and through the graveyard. The servants, including Watari, chatted with people from the village (which Matsuda still had not visited.)

 Matsuda stood apart from them all. He felt foreign and strange. He could not understand their dialect nor did he understand the gossip, nor the politics they discussed. He wanted to wait however, as the boys did not get to play with other children very often. He suspected Mello in particular was getting restless. After all, Mello was used to being in school and surrounded by people his own age. As much as he loved his younger brother, Matsuda was not surprised that he was getting a little bored. And Matsuda had still not secured a place for him in another school ready for September.

“ _Mello still hasn’t admitted that he was expelled_.” Matsuda sighed and walked away from the crowds, going deeper into the graveyard. “ _It’s been so long now...should I ask him?_ _Or let bygones_ _be bygones_? _Mello is lying, lying through omission. Should I just accept that_?” Matsuda was disturbed by how easily both boys seemed to lie, especially to him. Maybe he needed to emphasise that lying was a sin also.

The sharp stinging of nettles around his ankles made him stumble back gracelessly and look down, in front of him of the gravestone of Lawliet.

“’Lawliet the tease’,” he muttered wryly. He knelt down carefully to avoid the nettles _.  “Were you really a tease, or were you an eager lover, or were you just another victim of Light Yagami?”_ He brushed the leaves off the top of the gravestone _. “You committed suicide. You obviously were not happy.”_

He looked back into the distance where the people stood talking happily, bathed in sunlight and blossoms. Lawliet’s grave and Matsuda were in the shade. No flowers bloomed here, only weeds and nettles.

 _“You and I are alike in that sense. I’ve seen your face. You were not beautiful either. Not like Yagami, so why was he attracted to you?”_ Matsuda remembered the face of Lawliet when he had found him in the wardrobe. He remembered the long, shaggy hair, the heavy bags under his eyes, the white skin and angled features. _“Was Yagami bored of the women perhaps? Or perhaps...perhaps he always liked other men, and his voracious attraction to women had been nothing but a rouse? Perhaps trying to fool himself?”_

Matsuda felt his face heating up. That seemed unlike Yagami. Of what he understood, Yagami was someone who did whatever he wanted regardless of the rules. If Sayu was to be believed, Yagami was even capable of murder. Matsuda was going down the wrong path, focusing on the wrong thing.

He looked back at the grave. Even Lawliet’s date of birth was unknown. Could no-one bebothered to find out? It was sad.

 _“Where you a loner also, in your own home as well as when you came here? No one has come to claim your body.”_ He blinked away a few unshed tears before leaning forwards and dropping his voice a little lower. “I suppose if we have that much in common then I can admit it to you. I’ve never fitted in anywhere. I’m always on the outside.” Unbidden the memory arose again of him, as a child, in the rain with another boy. “Why won’t it stop haunting me?” he whispered. “I don’t know what that image means, I don’t remember but I feel...” he hugged himself as if in pain, “I feel so ashamed...”

XVI

“Have you seen Mr Touta?”

“Who?” Charlie Mayfield, the local blacksmith and old war veteran with Watari, queried.

“Oh, I’m sorry Charlie,” responded Watari, “the new tutor for the children. Have you seen him at all?”

Charlie squinted slightly, “the fella with the dark hair, a bit odd looking? The American?”

“Yes, that’s the one,” sighed Watari, “I don’t know where Miss Amane gets them from.”

The men chuckled, “ah he’s not as bad as the last one,” sighed Charlie when they were done. “This one seems a bit friendlier at least. Well, sort of. Your Lady should try getting someone from England for once. Someone who knows what’s what.” He sniffed. “Not that I don’t like the Yanks or the Ruskies, of course. I think I saw him go round the back of the church earlier.”

Watari muttered thanks then rushed round to find the young man. He found him kneeling in front of Lawliet’s grave. He was hugging himself and rocking slightly. He looked like he was in a slightly foetal position. Watari gulped. This wasn’t good...

“Mr Touta-”

“It’s Matsuda,” the young man’s voice was low and dry. He sounded depressed. He sounded like... Watari glanced at the grave and repressed a shudder.

“Excuse me, my mistake. Matsuda, we are going home now.”

The boy stood but did not face him. “I was thinking of heading into the village. I’ve not yet seen it even though I’ve been here for over a month. Could you take the boy’s home?”

Watari let out a breath he did not know he had been holding. “Of course sir,” he smiled. He was glad to have the boys away from the tutor for a while; he wasn’t keen on how the boy interacted with his charges. But he hadn’t liked the last fellow either. Maybe Charlie had a point; maybe Miss Amane did need to stop getting foreigners in to do what an Englishman could do anyway.

Without saying goodbye, he hurried away and collected the brothers.

Matsuda looked as they walked past outside the graveyard. The boys looked back at him and they shared a moment. Matt looked afraid, but Mello had that slightly slanted look in his eyes, a devilish, sinister look. Matsuda felt himself tensing. A cold wind blew around them all. Mello was planning something.

And just like that the boys and Watari turned a corner and Matsuda could not see them anymore.

The moment had passed.

Slowly, Matsuda looked down at the gravestone. “It was you who was inside of Matt that time,” he said. “I can’t remember everything you said, but I do remember that you doubt my ability to protect them.” He looked up at the spot where he had seen the boys last. “Maybe...maybe one of them is already too far gone. And that was your fault; you were in charge back then when it all began to go wrong.”

He thought for a moment. That was it! He needed to get back to the original problem, the original sin.

 

Back inside the church it was cool and quiet. The minister stood by the cross near the pulpit, rustling away his papers that had his sermon written on them.

“Excuse me sir.” The Priest turned around and smiled genially at Matsuda.

“Hello young man, you are the American living in Applegate.” It wasn’t a query.

“Yes Sir, I was thinking of going into the village and visiting someone.”

“Oh,” the minister sounded very curious, no doubt suspecting (correctly) that Matsuda did not know anyone.

“Miss Sayu, she used to work for us.”

A shadow crossed the Minister’s face. “Yes, indeed. Well, she isn’t too healthy nowadays. She seems to have succumbed to...well...to the Dark Forces.”

Matsuda gaped, “the dark forces? What does-?”

“Witchery and devil worship. She has lost her mind; gone mad with the death of her wastrel of a brother. She is quite disturbed. Her mother keeps her at home now.” Matsuda gulped guiltily, it was he that first suggested she was insane when in fact, she had been the most honest person he had met so far.

“That is why I wish to visit her,” he lied, “to see if she is alright.” It was disturbingly easy to lie, and to a Priest no doubt! Matsuda tried to ignore the guilt clawing away at the back of his throat. It was all for the greater good. The chances were the Priest would not tell him any more about Lawliet and Yagami than anyone else. He needed Sayu.

“Very good and Christian of you, young man. I can give you the directions. The village is small and easy enough that you shall not get lost. But please, be very careful, I would like you to get tangled up in her deranged imaginings.”

Matsuda smiled weakly, before stepping back out into the sunlight. He could feel the Priests eyes burning into his retreating back long after he left the Church behind.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Soooo... the mystery continues. The first half was about the house, but now we're getting a bit about the boys and maybe Matsuda?
> 
> What do you guys think is going on?
> 
> Do you think there's incest? Child abuse (past or present)? Is it all just Matsuda? What about the former tutor L and Light?
> 
> :)


End file.
